We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
