tonight lets celebrate not being married
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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