No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
