Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
