Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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