guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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