dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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