franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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