ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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