All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
