She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
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