1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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