Betty ford says i'm here all night
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
