While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
