uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Randomize
