Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Randomize
