right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
