I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
