her vagine was all disorganized.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I am available for nakedness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
