her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize