wanna go halves on a baby?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
