apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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