you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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