That's intense
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
