Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
