Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
