You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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