I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize