The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
Randomize
