have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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