I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
