I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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