fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
