it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She told me I should be a condom model.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize