and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
