D3 body, D1 cock
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
