Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
