he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
