So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
