I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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