oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
