All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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