I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
