im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Randomize
