you should give me head with plastic fangs in
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
