Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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