His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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