she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
