We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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