I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
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