when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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