I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize