It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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