her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I would fuck him just for his dog
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
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