Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
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