I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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