drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
