The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize