i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
