I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize