dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
