i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
