i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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