sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
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