who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You were trust falling into bushes
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
