Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
