My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize