i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
