tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
