i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
