So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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