I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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